Saturday, 15 June 2013

Camping Carry On

Week 7- Wednesday 12th June 2013

Hello! Welcome back. Last week Steve talked you through who was slightly less shit at doing team building days. I think we can all agree that everyone was utterly rubbish and the only winners were EvilAlex’ facial eyeliner and Neil Neckbeard’s already mahoosive ego, which were the only thing to save Leah’s farce of a team. Ultimately, Rebecca was fired for having ideas, which is nothing for a woman to have. HOW DARE YOU.

So, to BZNZ. It’s 6am at the Apprentice house. Neckbeard Neil answers the phone. I’m annoyed that his beard doesn’t cover his entire body but we can’t have everything. His hair is done and his glasses are on which belie his ‘just out of bed’ voice and space. Lord Sir Alan sugasugasuga wants them all to meet him in half an hour at the Tower Of London and they’ve to bring overnight bags. Ooh! Maybe he wants to take them all to a dirty weekend in a Travelodge? Neckbeard Neil relays this information through the medium of shouting.

In the girl’s bedroom, Luisa is wondering where on earth they could be going. She’s holding out for a Premier Inn. She’s no slag. Natalie doesn’t think they’re going abroad. In the boy’s bedroom, Jason hilariously packs a gigantic teddy bear whilst wearing some of the most adorable pyjamas this side of an Aquafresh advert. If this was a process to find the cutest contestant he’d be a shoo in. Jordan then watches the big boys shave whilst telling EvilAlex that it’s legal to kill a Welsh Man on a Thursday before 9am. EvilAlex is too busy trying to hide his white flabby chest with his non shaving hand to take any notice, but I’m sure Jordan will keep.

Because nobody on this programme ever learns anything, Francesca and Luisa sit in the back of the car and wonder what it could mean that they’re going to the tower of London. IT MEANS NOTHING. Luisa thinks that it means Tourism. Francesca thinks it might mean Diamonds, because that’s exactly the level of class that this show is about. Over in the other car, Neil Neckbeard continues the bullying of EvilAlex by telling him that he’s going in the dungeon. EvilAlex tells Neckbeard that he’s TOTALLY NOT FUNNY and that he doesn’t need his BULLSHIT today.

The cars arrive at The Tower of London where it’s all half light and gothic violins. Daddy arrives and welcomes them to the Tower which is one of the greatest tourist destinations in the world. It’s not just for forrins though, LordSugar is quick to point out, it’s also for natives and this is what the task is about. What? Xenophobia? No silly, it’s about holidays and leisure. More specifically, it’s about the Caravanning industry which is apparently worth six billion a year and ALAN TOTALLY WANTS IN ON THAT SHIT. Myles is not happy with this. They’re off to Birmingham to the Caravan show and they’re choosing stuff to sell including one high ticket item. Whoever sells the most, wins. Make no mistake though, this is a selling task and everyone has got to sell.  There will be no hiding. Neil gets sent over to Evolve to even things out.

So everyone is off to the caravan show tomorrow, and today they are choosing stuff to sell but first they’ve got to pick leaders. Endeavour discuss first. Myles isn’t passionate about caravans but he’ll give it a go if he has to. Kurt then puts himself forward because he once went on a caravan holiday and has experience of being inside a caravan. Then EvilAlex puts himself forward because he’s not been PM yet. Myles wonders if EvilAlex has caravan experience. He does not and therefore does not understand the mentality of a caravan buyer. Oh god, I wish I was making this up. Myles votes for Kurt and EvilAlex concedes. Kurt feels that it’s his chance to prove himself after taking lots of criticism.

Over at Evolve, Neil Neckbeard has already declared himself project manager and has decided that the task is all about picking the right product and selling lots of it. Oh shit, he’s going to win, isn’t he? Jason the Woobie then puts his metaphorical flag in the ground to front the sales team. There is no flagging in Neckbeard’s team as he’s shot down in flames and told that everyone is selling so there.  Karren thinks that the fact that it is a selling task may be difficult for some people, namely Jason, who seems to have spent most of his time peeling potatoes in a back room like some kind of public school educated house elf.

Everyone is off to Birmingham. Myles reiterates that he hates caravans whilst Jason confesses to never having been to Birmingham or in a caravan.  I think that that is because they are mainly poor people pursuits. HAHA! SORRY CARAVANERS. Neil Neckbeard gives him a look of DEATH.

EvilAlex and Kurt are faring a little better over in the Endeavour car, as they look at the caravans that are coming past them on the M6 and pretending that this is some kind of research. They note that the people tugging caravans along behind their cars are in their 50s and 60s and this is their market.

We arrive in Birmingham at 1pm. First up, half of Evolve, namely Jordan, Francesca and Luisa, begin to look at some potential items to sell, including a tent, a massage chair, a chair with a roof and a roof box boat. Jordan reckons that he would enjoy having a roof box boat. Francesca gives him the sideeye whilst pretending to play with her hair.

Half of Endeavour, namely Leah, Myles and Natalie, look at the same equipment. Leah goes on and on about how small a pot plant barbecue is and Myles doesn’t think that it’s worth £100. They look at the chair with the roof on it and like it. They also look at a boys camping kit and Myles comes over all “I’M NOT A SEXIST HONEST” by saying that his daughter would like it.  Leah doesn’t love it. Natalie is less impressed by the rooftop box boat, saying that plastic with oars and a tiny wheel isn’t exactly worth £600.  Who’d have thought that boats would be horrendously overpriced? They meet the boat man and Myles tells him that he is brilliant, much to Natalie’s annoyance whilst Leah just looks bored. Myles interviews that he’s used to talking to A-Listers and Royalty in his job so it’s going to be a piece of piss to schmooze a man with Lego hair selling a boat box. Schmooze he does whilst the girls smile unconvincingly. Myles turns it on for the roof chair man whilst Nick yawns behind his hand and interviews that he made him feel a bit sick.

Over with Evolve, Luisa is less convincing when talking to the inventor of the boys' camping kit. She says that it’s of Strong quality, calling it a box with Oomph. The inventor wants them to sell 40-50 a day. They can totes do that. She loves them and she knows that they love her box.  Endeavour meet the same lady and she firstly corrects them for calling it a toy and then has to explain to a confused Leah what things children like. Leah further provokes her ire by asking her what her rock bottom end of the day desperate price is and the adventure kit lady says that she doesn’t need no rock bottom end of the day price because her adventure kit is awesome. Leah does not take the hint.

4pm in Brum and we finally get a look at the caravan show. Kurt and EvilAlex are out to find a high end item. They observe again that people who like caravans are mainly old.  Kurt notices that even the traffic warden is a “coffin dodger”. Nice.  EvilAlex marvels at someone’s electric bike, which Kurt points out is actually a mobility scooter. They suss out what smaller items are selling well and note that the market is flooded with chairs. Meanwhile, Jason the Woobie and Neil Neckbeard are looking for their teams’ high end item. Jason approaches a bemused lady asking about motorbikes. Neil drags him away. Jason then walks over to a folding chair and asks Neil Neckbeard if he’s sat in it. Neil Neckbeard obviously hasn’t because he’s all BIZNIZ then interviews that Jason is a Big Girls Blouse and doesn’t think that they’re a good match. I agree, but for different reasons. Mainly because Jason is awesome and you are fawful. He then goes over to an electric bike stand, which is clearly different to a motorbike stand, and finds out that they’re only selling 5 or 6 a day. Jason is unsure about power assisted bikes, because who wants a bike that you don’t pedal? Luisa! That’s who! She, Jordan and Francesca are talking to the power assisted bike inventor lady who says that she sold 55 over six days, which tallies with what the other guy said. That’s FIVE OR SIX A DAY, GUYS. REMEMBER THIS. Francesca loves it, Jordan wants to buy ten. [Do they get up hills though?  That's surely the important question - Sheffield -based tellybitcher]

Over with the other team, they’re asking about price and Leah’s putting her foot in it again by asking what she can flog their product for at the end of the day. Nope, still £949. There is no room. Not even for a twofor. Myles thinks that there’s a good market for the bikes and Leah and Natalie, who clearly don’t have a clue what they’re doing, agree with a grimace. Natalie says she wants to sell five of them and make five grand. Oh Natalie, you have to buy them first.

Luisa calls Woobie and Neckbeard, who are totally my new favourite crime fighting duo and tells them what they think of the products. Luisa thinks that they can sell 15 bikes. Neil agrees. Oh dear. Luisa also likes the adventure boxes, and thinks they can sell 40-50. Neil asks Luisa to make the call. Jason still can’t see the appeal of the electric bike. Neckbeard doesn’t care what he thinks.

Over with Kurt and EvilAlex, they are speaking into the wrong end of a phone to their subteam who also like the electric bike and the box. I sense a problem here.  Can Myles’ soft soap be enough? No. Evolve get it. Who’s going to get the boxes? That’s also Evolve, because they understand adventure. Natalie can’t understand why they’ve done badly. Myles interviews that perhaps it’s the fact that Leah doesn’t really ‘do’ enthusiastic and Natalie kept trying to push the price of the bike down.  It’s however down to Myles to let Kurt and EvilAlex know that they couldn’t get the items that they wanted.  They’re understandably upset with their chair and boat box and EvilAlex wonders aloud how they could lose both of them whilst Nick tries not to laugh in the background. EvilAlex thinks it’s because they’ve lacked a strategy. Wait until he finds out that it’s all down to Leah’s grumpy face. [Can you imagine her being your doctor?  I don't know what area of medicine she worked in but I'm not sure she had the most comforting of bedside manners - Rad]

There’s still got to be a high priced product to be chosen. Neckbeard and the Woobie look at some mini caravans. The Woobie loves the tiny caravans and would like to move in. He’s gloriously adorable. They move on to some VW style retro caravans that cost £18k, but Neckbeard isn’t so sure that they’ll sell, despite the owner having sold six already.

EvilAlex and Kurt are desperate. EvilAlex can’t believe the money that goes on caravans. They look at a collapsible tent that fits in a trailer, giving a whole new meaning to Holiday Armadillo. They’ve already sold eleven to quite a mixed demographic, from age 35 up to people in their 60s. EvilAlex isn’t convinced, and thinks that people aren’t going to spend that amount of money on ‘a tent on wheels’. He’s got a point. Kurt pushes it, saying that it’s sold more than most of the other things that they’ve seen at the exhibition. EvilAlex still has a bad feeling. Neckbeard and the Woobie look at the same thing but only ask about numbers. Kurt and EvilAlex then look at the retro campervan and ask about ages again. You can tell that Kurt is keen and EvilAlex seems a bit more comfortable with this one. They’re going to go off and think about it.

Finally, Neckbeard and the Woobie have decided to phone their team and tell them that they like the holiday Armadillo tent on wheels because it’s sold the most. They like the VW but it doesn’t seem like their target market. The Woobie makes hissing noises at the phone. Luisa thinks it’s a no brainer. It’s the tent on wheels. Jason doesn’t seem pleased with this choice.

Its decision time for Kurt and EvilAlex. They aren’t convinced that the caravan loving oldies would want the hassle of folding up their tent every night. They also like the fact that the VW camper is fully customisable. Kurt thinks it’s more of a gamble but if they sell one Retro Camper they could win the whole thing.  Tomorrow is showtime!

The next morning, everyone leaves the Travelodge at 8am. EvilAlex wants to concentrate on the big ticket items. Kurt remembers that Myles sells to the richest people in the world and it might be useful to capitalise on that. EvilAlex isn’t so sure.  When they arrive, it’s time to set up the stalls. Luisa wonders whether helium is helium whilst Neckbeard barks at the rest of Evolve about their sales targets while Jason strokes his metaphorical chin. He instructs them to compete with each other. Thanks Boss! Over at Endeavour, Kurt wants to sell the campers and thinks that although EvilAlex was really good at agreeing with him yesterday, he’d rather Myles was on his team. EvilAlex does not like this idea because he’s got experience in selling bespoke stuff. Kurt reminds him that this was only over the internet. Alex’ leg twitches as he explains that he’s also talked to people on the phone. Kurt then explains that nobody wants to buy a campervan from what is essentially an evil child. EvilAlex doesn’t even think that that comes into it, bruv. Kurt wants to give themselves the best chance. Poor EvilAlex. He looks and interviews like a spurned lover about how he could’ve given everything to the team but now he’s stuck selling boat boxes and chairs with a roof. He’s bloody well talented and won’t have anyone talking ‘down at him’ (sic) just because he’s young. He says that that is the wrong attitude, in a barely concealed threatening manner.  Endeavour seem to be selling the chair well, though.

Over with Evolve, nobody wants an electric bike. A man kindly explains that most people want to ride a bike for exercise so there is very little point in a bike that pedals for you. Another man explains that you can buy a car for a grand. Karren thinks that the goods are too highly priced for passing trade. She seems to be right.

Back with Endeavour, EvilAlex manages to sell a roof box and Kurt is getting people interested in the campervans. Lots of people are geeking out over the Retro Campers but as Nick points out, people who like caravans are usually people who like a chat and it might be a good idea to separate your enthusiasts and customers. The fish that they thought they had on the hook was an enthusiast. Myles doesn’t hit him.

Meanwhile, Jason the Woobie seems to be going down very well for Evolve. He’s being very, very charming selling the Holiday Armadillo whilst Neckbeard is floating around like me at a school dance. Karren points out that Jason seems to be doing better, because this point really needs to be forced. He may be overly theatrical and overly since but the caravanners LOVE it, and so do I. I especially love that Neckbeard is being put in his place by the power of NICE. [Me too. - Rad] The oldies love Jason. One old lady practically pinches his cheek. YOU GO GIRL.

It’s now midday, and someone is actually buying an electric bike. I don’t know either. The adventure box is now a Den In A box and someone seems to have bought one of those, too. Luisa has sold them both. Jordan wants to know what her secret is because he needs the help. Her voice goes up an octave and she’s all “I don’t know, I just, like, sold them”. They call up and confess that they’ve only sold one of each and perhaps the initial figures might possibly have been unrealistic. YOU THINK?

Back with Endeavour, EvilAlex is forced into the worst role-play since “I’VE BEEN CRAVING A BIXMIX ALL DAY” by Natalie. It works though, and literally two people are drawn in. Natalie then gets a bit confused thinking that the chair in the boat is a table, because what you need in a five foot rowing boat is somewhere to eat your dinner. This results in EvilAlex interviewing that Natalie is a bit stupid because she knows nothing about boats.

Jason is closing a deal on the folding camper by being his bumbling self. Neckbeard confesses to having hurt pride, but the day isn’t over yet. A cheque is written. They’re not having as much luck with the retro camper over at the other side of the arena. Myles interviews that most people think that their kids would like it. Myles thinks that the issue is with the product and not the sales technique.  Of course you would. Kurt isn’t faring much better as his sales technique seems to be all about staring into middle distance and telling people how much other people love them. Nick finds this technique to be a bit lackadaisical.  Any more laid back and he’d be asleep inside it. Nick thinks that the no pressure technique is all well and good but this is a selling task and they only have a day. Quite right.

4pm and it’s the end of the day. Some more bikes are being sold and a teddy bear falls on Nick Hewer. Neckbeard finally sells a holiday armadillo and Leah actually manages to sell a boat box on the strength of it being both a boat and a box. As they’ve sold no campervans, Kurt comes up with the idea of using Leah as boybait. Myles rightly looks appalled at this suggestion, but not as appalled as Natalie looks at the boybait not being her. [So much for her being a righteous feminist the other week - Rad] With time ticking down, people look interested in the boatbox, the campervan and the holiday armadillo.  A campervan is sold at the last minute, as is the trailertent.  Totals will be revealed in the boardroom tomorrow.

Through the magic of television, tis tomorrow already. The teams are called in and Lord Sugar wishes them a good afternoon. Lordalan congratulates himself on making the task interesting. He starts with Endeavour. His first line of attack is wondering why EvilAlex has never been project manager. EvilAlex says that he wanted to be, but was trumped by Kurt because he went on holiday in a caravan once so therefore is an expert on all things caravan. Lordalan wonders if EvilAlex hasn’t been project manager because his team mates don’t trust him. Moving swiftly on, the subteam is questioned on their strategy. Myles explains that the strategy was all about showing love for the products whilst Leah pouts and flicks her hair in the background. Myles suggests that they failed to get the products that they wanted because Leah wasn’t very enthusiastic. Leah replies in the voice of an android on Mogadon that she was just as enthusiastic as everyone else. Lordalan is doubtful. Natalie has the sense to keep quiet as Myles continues his attack on Leah, stating that she said “of course I don’t have children” which made her look like a bit of a dick. I’m paraphrasing, but by the amount of chewing of the inside of her cheek that Natalie is doing, I think she agrees.  Lordalan says that it was clear that there wasn’t enough enthusiasm because they didn’t get the items that they wanted. Leah persists in saying that she was totally enthusiastic in a voice that says the total opposite. Natalie then blames Leah for pushing for a discount where there perhaps wasn’t room for one. Leah says she brought it up once despite knowing that she was being filmed pushing the point. Nick even has to point it out that the ven-DOR was getting annoyed. Over to the high ticket item, Lordalan wonders whether the retro campervan was perhaps a bit young for the elderly caravan market.  Kurt says that the man what gave him the caravans told him that they sold to people from age 35. Ludalan then wants to know how the teams were split. Kurt says he took Myles over to sell with him because he wanted an opportunity to prove himself.  Ludalan wonders if this was the best idea and asks EvilAlex what he thinks about the whole thing. OF COURSE EvilAlex isn’t happy. He’s spoken to people on the PHONE and EVERYTHING and he totally could have done a better job. Kurt plays the internet card again, but EvilAlex plays a ROYAL FAMILY card which of course trumps everything. He claims that he made plaques for the royal family. Ludalan wonders aloud whether he actually pitched to the actual Queen. He didn’t, but they were still expensive items. Ludalan is bored of this now and asks the rest of the team if Kurt gives good strategy. Myles says it will all be proven in the high ticket item competition.

Evolve’s turn. Luisa says that they were all given targets ad they failed to meet them.  Neckbeard then gets a chance to stick the knife in when asked about the high ticket item, saying he didn’t think the retro campervan fit the target market and based his decision to buy the holiday armadillo on average sales per day of three, and if he could make that, he’d win the task.  Ludalan then goes on to ask him about his decision to bring the Woobie along with him. He wonders whether the Woobie has ever been in a caravan. He of course hasn’t. He also confesses to having never been to Birmingham. Ldalan wonders if he did an impression of a caravan all day, following Neckbeard around. He says they worked as a team.

Numbers! Endeavour sold £1,479 worth of accessories but sold no campervan, even though Leah got close. Evolve, Karren is pleased to say, because she’s worried that Neckbeard seems not to have slept, that Evolve have won on accessories sales alone, totalling £3116. They also sold three holiday armadillos for a total of £30,499, giving them an overall sales figure of £33,615. Leah pouts, and Francesca holds the Woobie’s hand. They’re all off to the Velodrome in Manchester to meet Chris Hoy. Luisa jumps into Neckbeard’s arms outside, but it’s not over yet. Ludalan wants to see Jason again. He looks beautifully confused like only the stupendously posh can. Ludalan wants to say well done to him. He wants to keep impressing him. Ludalan tells the losers that the Woobie is clearly learning from the experience but they aren’t.

Just to prove how adorable he is, Jason almost immediately falls off the bike at the Velodrome. Jordan wins. Hurrah!

Over at the loser’s cafe, Myles is blaming the choice of high ticket item for the failure of the task. EvilAlex is quick to disagree; it was only one of the elements. EvilAlex thinks that the high ticket sales team was more about glory hunting than strategy. Natalie thinks that Kurt should be fired for not managing the team properly. EvilAlex points out that they were totally annihilated. Kurt just looks doomed. They all head back to the boardroom.  Ludalan levels with Kurt that it was a risk for him to go on the high ticket sales on the off chance that he sold something and could come back into the board room saying how great he was. Kurt thinks that the problem wasn’t with the sales technique, it was with the product. Karren rightly points out that they had all the sales information, so why didn’t they use it? He blames EvilAlex for not liking the holiday armadillo. Karren tells him that his gut is a liar and that even though Neckbeard loved the campervan, he went with the figures. Kurt understands this. Ludalan then moves on to EvilAlex who is looking particularly evil today. He says that even though they had ascertained that their market was 50+, they picked a product aimed at 35-45 year olds on a day where there’s nobody there. He takes that on board but says that the holiday armadillo had a kayak on top of it which doesn’t exactly scream pensioner. Karren reminds him that his personal opinion doesn’t mean jack. Ludalan agrees and points out that he might not have been so sad to have been dumped by Kurt after all. He definitely disagrees with this.

Ludalan then moves back to Kurt and asks him the same question, and also reminds him that his opinion doesn’t mean jack. Kurt doesn’t really have an answer so Ludalan suggests that he and Myles might be deficient in their sales skills. Miles is aghast at this suggestion and declares that he definitely does know how to close a high ticket sale.  Nick then points out that they wasted a lot of time by not sifting out the interested parties from the enthusiasts. Myles maintains that there were no buyers around that day. Ludalan points out that the other team managed to sell 33k worth of stuff and that it’s an absolute disgrace in week 7 that they only sold £1,500 worth of stuff. They clearly have said that they can do things that they can’t.  He reads Myles’ REZOOMAY back to him which says that he’s the Jedi Knight of sales. Myles has the audacity to agree but says that it’s the wrong product for the target market. EvilAlex disagrees saying that if that’s the case, then why did Leah nearly sell one? Nick then sets the cat amongst the pigeons by asking Leah if she knows why she was brought over. Leah thinks that it was because she’s a top seller. OH NO SWEETHEART. Nick tells her straight that she was “eye candy” and Kurt can’t do a bloody thing except say that he did it to balance the group out and that word might have popped out. Nick’s BITCH PLEASE face at this point is amazing. Natalie is obviously still sore from not being eye candy and asks whether it wouldn’t have made more sense to bring her across as the high ticket items were more her thing. Ludalan wonders where she got this from. She answers that she’s in recruitment. Ludalan and the entire nation wonder what this has got to do with the price of cocoa. She replies she’s a headhunter. Ludalan and the nation wonder why this means she’s better placed to sell the stuff that Myles sells all the time.  She’s not really allowed to answer but I’m sensing there isn’t an answer. He asks EvilAlex outright what the failure was. He thinks that it’s in the sales team because Leah came the closest to selling and she went over at the last minute.  Leah is asked her opinion. Leah thinks the product wasn’t perfect but she probably could’ve sold one given more time. Who is coming back into the boardroom though? Kurt decides that it’s EvilAlex for pushing the campervans and Natalie for “scaring away the bike lady”. Both strenuously deny that these things are the case. Natalie accuses Kurt of being tactical. Myles, sensing that this will help keep his head from the chopping block, says that it’s not a tactical move. Natalie says that she wasn’t even in charge of the bike lady. Kurt continues that she only sold £170 worth of chairs anyway. Kurt is happy with his decision. Myles and Leah go back to the house, the others are sent out.

In the boardroom discussions, Ludalan is a bit confused because Kurt is both saying that the product is rubbish and that he chose the product and isn’t really defending himself. Nick reckons that EvilAlex hid out in the accessories because he knew that there was trouble in the campervans. Karren is confused as to why Natalie thinks that she could’ve sold lots of them but Ludalan thinks that bringing her in might be tactical as Kurt knows she’s on her last chance. They go back in.

Ludalan starts with EvilAlex and wonders why he doesn’t think that he should be there. EvilAlex chooses this opportunity to tell Kurt exactly how butthurt he is that he was dumped after they spent such a lovely day together picking retro campervans. He then changes tack and says that it should’ve been him and Myles in charge of selling. Kurt replies that he just wanted a chance to prove he could sell. Ludalan points out rightly that he can’t. Kurt maintains that it was the right product, but the wrong day. Natalie tries to say something but Kurt overrules her with the fact that she only sold £170 worth of chairs, but Natalie zings back that Kurt didn’t sell anything at all.  Natalie says that she wouldn’t have let him choose the campervan if she was allowed out to play with him on day one, and that her interest in fashion means that she’s good at choosing lines. Kurt just keeps talking over her and saying things that he knows Ludalan won’t like, like she’s always saying stuff in hindsight. It’s a bit ugly, if I’m honest. Natalie continues by saying that she’s good at choosing things other people would like. Ludalan replies that she’s very full of herself for someone who hasn’t actually delivered anything yet. He moves on to her accusation that bringing her to the boardroom was a tactical move. She replies that everyone knows that she’s been told that if she’s back in the boardroom, she’s fired. She’s clearly fighting back tears at this point. Kurt gets all GRRR WOMEN AND THEIR EMOTIONS MAKING ME LOOK BAD UGH. Natalie says she’s not crying, she’s angry. Ludalan says that he should only bring people back that were rubbish in this task. Kurt then says that he didn’t bring back Myles because the only reason he didn’t sell was that the product wasn’t right and Natalie lost them the bikes.

Ludalan then moves on to Kurt and asks him why he should stay in the process. Kurt says that he took a gamble and that he couldn’t prove his selling skillz because he picked the wrong item. It’s pointed out that the picking of the item was also down to him. EvilAlex is asked why he should stay. He says that he’s the only one in the process that has set up his own company. His company sells tombstones, which tells you everything you need to know, really. He says he isn’t just there to go on about how great he is, even though Ludalan tells him that he seems to be doing a fine job of it. He’s not one to brag and he’s one to get the job done. Ludalan tells him that even though he’s performed fairly well he helped pick a rubbish product which is a fatal business mistake. Ludalan admires Kurt’s honesty and that he can admit that it was the wrong product. Ludalan is concerned that Natalie is here again. She can explain but he doesn’t want to hear it.

HOWEVER, Kurt has messed up the task and he’s fired. He looks relieved more than anything. Ludalan isn’t sure about investing in someone as young and reckless as EvilAlex and he’ll have to give it more thought. ANOTHER HOWEVER, it may have been tactical, but this is still Natalie’s third visit to the boardroom and she’s had plenty chances and still hasn’t proved herself so she’s FIRED TOO. She thanks Ludalan for the opportunity. EvilAlex is sent home to take on board Ludalan’s words. Natalie is crying outside and Alex gives her quite a sweet hug. She taxiterviews that she’s upset that she was brought in to the boardroom tactically, but she should have shone more. Kurt taxiterveiws that he took a risk and it didn’t pay off.

Back at the house, Luisa is loudly shouting that Kurt put himself in the wrong place. Everyone is happy to see Evil Alex back though. They all cheer, and Luisa takes another sip of wine like it was her plan all along. Sinister. Jason gives a toast to them all being high calibre candidates.

Next week! Online dating and advertising campaign! EvilAlex is the Christian Grey of the valleys! Neckbeard doesn’t know what’s going on! Join Rad to find out exactly what it is next week.

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